Lately, people have been saying that one should not date until they are “fully healed.” However, a specific measure of being ‘fully healed’ has not to be created yet. Does that mean that you should stay single until it does? The simple answer is no. The more complex answer is that several things should happen after a breakup to ensure someone is ready to move on to a new relationship. While most areas are individually focused, you may be surprised that there are a few items on your “ready to date” checklist that may require additional assistance from the people you trust the most. There are no concrete steps to being ready to date again. The process is not linear. However, when you have a solid foundation to start creating healthy relationships.
Figure out what you want.
There isn’t a correct answer to what you may want. Your goal could be to practice dating, find a sexual partner or a long-term partner. Your reason for dating can change at any time. Guess what? That is perfectly fine. You may start out wanting a casual relationship and suddenly find yourself wanting more from the relationship. The most crucial part about figuring out what you want is creating a starting point, creating a process that helps to understand the reactions you may experience in the relationship, being able and available emotionally and mentally to adapt, and having a system for self-reflection.
Make sure you feel safe.
Feeling safe is not just about physical safety but also emotional safety. If you have triggers that can lead to extreme distress when dealing with interacting with other people, work with a therapist or support group to work through any triggers or distress that may affect any new relationships before starting one.
Create your support network.
This network is there to help you process the possible euphoric high of something new, the scary thoughts that can appear, and the potential disappointments experienced in dating. This network can be used as a sounding board, advisor, or coach. The goal is to make sure that you feel you have enough support when you start dating again. When you begin to process your current relationship and your previous experiences, your network helps encourage and promote self-awareness. This network can be friends, family, or even a therapist. Therapy can help create a safe space to process how past hurts can show up in behavior when building new relationships.
The blog is written by :
Yvonne King, Intern MFT